A self-unloved!

A self-unloved!
Self-love such a "cliché'" some say, but it is not. Last night, my brother passed away; he was three years younger than me. I watched and experienced him live in chaos his entire life, destroying all that was beautiful and good in his life all because he did not love himself.

He had many addictions, the main one was alcohol, he started drinking at a very young age. Alcohol like 'everything' in life, creeps in on you and takes you over, changes the chemistry in your body, mind, and spirit. Eventually, my brother's drinking became his method of self-medication; to escape his deep pain and suffering he lived with since a young boy.

 When I asked him why he drank; he said it took him away from himself and gave him a sense of feeling safe, powerful, and self-confidence, he would say, "I am on top of the world," that was his exact expression. I knew it was to escape his life, to escape the pain he was enduring within.

 Without getting into the details of my brother's life. In the earlier years, his late twenties, my early thirties. He was already showing signs of life that will eventually spiral down. The seeds of an unloved-self were being planted and watered in alcohol. As I revisit the memories of his life, I can see clearly that all the watering of love I or anyone could give wasn't the antidote to the love he needed to give himself. God only knows we all worked to make him better, but there is NO 'making' anyone better. Maybe we do it for ourselves so we can feel better so we can continue to be around. The truth is, none of us know what is best for anyone; it's an inside job.

There were so many times he wanted to quit drinking and get his life together, I so believed him, and so did he, but the patterned repeated itself too many times, my hope turned into anger, helplessness, and despair.

Back then I did not have that much knowledge about the depths of what alcoholism was, with the exception that I wanted to get away from it, our father was a drinker.

Bringing alcoholism and the behavior that stems from it to his relationships always ended badly. That called for another drink.

Eventually, everyone abandons him, only to confirm the ugly feelings he was feeling, the feelings that brought him to alcohol in the first place, to take him away from himself. But the truth was, he abandoned himself. He just could not grasp that concept.

No one could have saved him, but him, unfortunately when behaviors are involved not too many people want to take on that challenge, I for one tried to but had my issues to sort out. He tried rehab, but if you don't get to the roots, nothing changes. Recovery is a deep knowing, an AHA, and the answer.

The long goodnight finally came for my brother last night, despite all his crazy making he brought to our family, he was always loved by my husband and me. I could no long talk with him because his energy overpowered me, but my husband til the day he passed was kind, loving and a friend to my brother. I know that my husband's generosity was my brothers only hope that life was good.
He passed with that in his heart. Rest in peace little brother; now you are dancing amongst the stars. <3

Love yourself "Addiction is the only prison where the locks are on the inside."

Remembered in love!

We are back in blog land after seven months of life changing events. Love exists in ALL ways and in each one of us. It always will be the best part of our lives.

Life is short not to send love, give love, and appreciate those who are in your life. Special tokens of love are so memorable to each of us. We always want to re-member and be remembered whether we are here on earth or transition to our next life. That is why adornments get passed down generation to generation. A time for remembering those who have left us.

Ellie, my partner, lost her dear beloved hubby on August 30th, 2016, so you can only imagine that blogging was not on the list. She was attending to her family and honoring the love she and Dewain shared for 52 years this month.

We love sharing stories about our bonding blankets; A couple of years ago Ellie sent Dewain a bonding blanket to let him know how much she cherished their love.

Dewain believed in our Bonding Blanket; he was so very supportive of all the things we wanted to accomplish with this little blanket of love.

Dewain slept with his Bonding Blanket every night up until the day he left planet earth. His Scent is left behind on his Bonding Blanket, and Ellie assures me that eventually she will wash this blanket filled with his love and replace the smell with his aftershave Cologne. Love never dies!

RIP Sweet Man!

“Silently, one by one, in the infinite meadows of heaven,

Blossomed the lovely stars, the forget-me-nots of the angels.” 
― Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

No words...

No words…..

This is one of many blogs to come, we have so many touching stories how people use this little bonding blanket.
Shelly who lives in Los Angeles, bought a bonding blanket for her high school friend Adel who lives in Arizona. Shelly and Adel go way back, ‘High School days’, they have had a beautiful long distant friendship.
Adel has always had a very serious problem with back pain since High School. She had been in and out of hospitals most of her life but this trip brough her in for an infection she contracted after having an infusion in her back… They tried to clear up the infection, so they could do surgery, but she became so weak they had to put off… 

What she was experiencing was a mystery to all the Doctors.
Adel went from pain in her back, to being so weak she could barely speak. The area where the Doctors worked on would not heal, and she now had an open wound, this was not looking too good. .
She became paralyzed from the waist down, on top of everything else they now had to intubate (breathing tube into the trachea for mechanical ventilation) her so she could breathe…
Adel’s husband was so great at writing long lengthy emails to let everyone know what was happening with Adel and what she was going through. 
She was now being moved to different departments for rehabilitation. It was a very slow process.
Shelly wanted to do something for her friend, something to let her know she cared for her, and being so far away she knew a card would not be enough.

She wanted to send some comfort to Adel as she was being transferred to different facilities for her care.
Shelly called Adel’s husband to get an idea as to what she might send, he said, “no” to flowers, there is just not enough room for any more gifts... Shelly had remembered ‘the bonding blanket’ that a friend had bought for someone else.
She called Bruce to ask him if he thought a small little blanket, infused with Shelly’s prayers, and love would be ok, and he said, “yes”.

Shelly really believed in the concept behind this little bonding blanket, at least it was something Adel could have 24/7, and could reach for it whenever she felt frightened and lonely. Her husband said, she was transferred to many facilities, and that she kept the bonding blanket with her, holding out for some hope and comfort. Unfortunately, Adel was spiraling downhill, she could not breath, infections were setting in, and it was not good.

Her recovery was just not going in the direction everyone had hoped for...Adel passed away 8 months later.

The gift of unquestioned acceptance
Accept everyone as a valuable human being. Show those around you that they are loved for who they are, not for what they do or how much they please you. See the Divine in everyone.